An entry for me, because I have grown..

Tonight, I cried. Partly because I could, partly because I was tired. I thought it was because I went to bed at 2, and was up again at 6:30. And then I reflected on the past week.

Dave left... he is in Twin Falls, indefinitely, until some rentals are fixed up and ready to sell. I feel alone. I come home each night, with 3 little ones, to an empty home. The porch light is not even left on, I'm sure it was because I forgot that Dave really isn't home tonight and I didn't turn it on.

Our week began with news that our friends were in a serious accident just before father's day. Being able to help them has been a great opportunity for us to serve our Heavenly Father. It is truly amazing how quickly a life can be taken from us, and at the same time how another's life can be so blessed. Our prayers go out to their sweet family. Although they are mourning a loss, they are also celebrating a life. They have witnessed many miracles through this difficult time and it strengthens my testimony of the power of the Priesthood and the plan that our Heavenly Father has for each of us. Treasure and cherish each day that you have with your families...make each day the very best and remember to emulate love around you!

Madison had surgery, that ended up being an all day adventure. My sweet little girl didn't understand why she was in so much pain and felt so dizzy and sick. When she went in, she was a typical healthy and happy little girl. When she came out, she was grumpy, tired, hungry and in a LOT of pain. I sat and held her in the chair for hours. It felt good to have some alone time with her, although, next time, I know we will be doing something much better for our girls adventure! I was saddened that Dave wasn't there for me to lean on. I am so used to him being there for every little thing our family goes through. I guess some would say, SPOILED. I was very THANKFUL for great family and neighbors who were there to help give a blessing and watch the kids!

I had to load the car twice with garage sale "stuff" by myself, to make a mere $100. That was honestly harder than a days work teaching! I took for granted all the times Dave got up early to set up tables and pull out the "junk". I would roll out of bed at 7:00, get dressed and start to sell. He would take care of the kids while I "socialized" with the public.

Today, I had to get the kids up by six, spend until 3:00 selling our junk, while wrestling 3 little hooligans, endure the pains of a royal sunburn, deliver the unsold to D.I., repack the empty boxes, sunshades, tables, etc. , drive 3 cranky tired kids home, unpack the full car to get to the 3 now-sleeping-kids, haul the kids up to their beds--one at a time, console a tired one who cut her foot getting out of the car, and finally re-put her back in bed. I now look forward to going in to kiss their sweet chubby cheeks goodnight. They really did endure well today.

Then, with a husband gone, I have had my usual car trouble. It always happens when my "fix-it-all" husband is away, and I am here alone, to solve the problem. Mind you, with 3 small children in tow! Thankfully, they too are once again patient, as for the 5th time this week, the car won't start, and we have to find someone with jumper cables, because mom's forgetful mind has forgotten to replace them in the van. I never seem to remember until I need them, although I pass them in the garage daily! Thank you Brett and the Lamb's for bailing me out on many occasions! I think I'll be walking from now on!

Now, to end my evening, the Bishop would like to meet with me tomorrow at 1:00. So, at 10:00 at night, I have decided that all will work out in the end. Church ends at noon, the kids will come home, eat lunch and with my GOOD luck, fall right asleep for a great nap. The DILEMMA? I am suppose to be able to take a nap tomorrow while they are sleeping...! And now, to find someone to sit with the 3 sleeping beauties tomorrow! I guess I will retire to bed early tomorrow!

I am beginning to realize just how very selfish my life has become. Those around me might describe me as generous and full of service, and I would like to agree. However, when it comes to my immediate family, I think I have let them down a little. It has literally taken a miracle for me to see the trap I was in. My Heavenly Father is REALLY looking out for me. In the last month, I feel closer to Him than I have in a very long time. I am soooo very grateful for the last 4 months that I have had to learn, and grow...spiritually and emotionally. If I dare say so, I think I am beginning to "act my age" spiritually. Dave's job loss has been such a blessing for us. Yes, we have altered our lives significantly, as one should in this situation, and we are going to come out the better for it. We may not have a whole lot of worldly wealth right now, but we have each other and our 3 wonderful kids! And that is everything we need right now.

I LOVE my husband. I am very grateful for what he has provided us with. I miss him and can't wait for him to come home. I hope that I am a changed person when he returns because my life has been so richly blessed for having him in it. Do not look back on yesterday, but look forward to tomorrow and make it better than the day before. I need him in my life and feel such peace with what lies ahead for the two of us. It may NOT always be easy, but I KNOW that with him, it is sooo worth it!

I thank my Heavenly Father for the blessings that he has sent me...I know He lives...He loves us and is aware of our every need. We may not see what lies ahead of us, but He knows and if we stay close to Him, it will be revealed to us, when the time is right. Have faith and press forward!
I love the familiar primary chorus: "lead me guide me walk beside me, help me find the way, teach me all that I must do, to live with him some day." I sing it many times during the week to my little kiddo's and know they feel the spirit when they hear those words. I know that He is leading us as we walk through life and that if I let Him guide me that I will live with Him some day...I look forward to that day, to sit with my dear family and friends beside me. Through these trying times, my faith has increased, I have felt humbled. I have been filled with much love. I hope the patience comes next! I sincerely pray that it continues to grow stronger and that I can really be a blessing to my own family as I come to appreciate the true beauty that they are in my life! Love to you all, my dear Dave, Madison, Jacob and Brooklyn. You are truly the treasures in my life!

Goodnight and sweet dreams!